Broken hearted

I've sat down to write this more times than I can count this week, but haven't been able to do it. If I write it, it's true. And it's just too hard for me if it's true. 

We stopped at Adam's parents farm to pick up a lawn mower on Sunday afternoon after dropping Gabi off. I let Annie play outside with Elsie the basset hound like she has done countless times. This time though she found something to chase. Adam said she was standing out beside the horse trailer & then she was off. She loves to run after bunnies, birds or hell, even butterflies, but she comes when you call her.

I don't know what made this different. She didn't come back. We walked 80+ acres and called until we were horse. We drove the roads & back into bean fields. We have cuts & chigger bites. But we couldn't find her.

So my Annie is lost. I can't say she's gone although the logical side of my brain knows the odds. I can't make that brain stop thinking either. Bad things. Guilty. I wish so badly that I could shut my brain down

Adam, because he's always trying to take care of me, tells me that maybe she's on an "Incredible Journey". That's the thought I would really like to hold onto. So her stuff is still out, food still in her bowl. I just can't put it away.

So many people struggle with horrible things in their lives & although I realize that some would say that she was a pet, she was my baby. And my heart is broken into a million tiny pieces. 

I miss...  

• How she licked my legs when I got out of the shower
• She raced you up or down the stairs. And always won
• She would wait for you to put the warm laundry out of the dryer on the bed and wanted to lay in it
• She barked 1 time when she went out the back door to tell the neighbor dogs she was coming out
• She ALWAYS snuck in between us in bed
• Telling her "no face" because she LOVED kisses