Sunday, September 11, 2011

I'll always remember.

I can tell you easily where I was, even tiny little details of that day. But how do I explain how I felt?

 I guess helpless sums it up. I am the mother of 4 children and was in charge of their well being. How could I keep them safe? I had to deal with not just my feelings of sadness and fear, but theirs as well. How could I reassure them when everything seemed so bad.

 I didn't lose a loved one that day. I didn't wait all day for a phone call or live in fear that someone would never come home from work. I didn't have to find a way down a dark, smoke filled stairway nor did I personally know a firefighter that climbed up those stairs to help those still on floors above. I didn't receive a good-bye call, from the person who meant more to me than life, telling me not to forget how much they love me. But I found that all of them came to mind many many times a day and in my dreams.

I had 3 kids in the car on the way to school and work. On the radio they said that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. A comment was made that they didn't really know much, but that it may have been a small plane whose pilot had a heart attack or something like that. It didn't take long for that talk to change. This was American Airlines flight 11.

When the 2nd plane, United Airlines flight 175 hit the South Tower, and the word terrorism was spoken out loud, I had a vivid flashback of the day Cameron was born. One of my nurses was rocking him and we were talking about the fact that all the babies in the nursery were boys. Not a girl all week. Her words came slamming back into my brain. Her words were "All these boys are God's way of preparing us for a war." And here it was, a month short of 18 years later.

We did not have one patient that day. Everyone either canceled or just didn't show up. The dentist in the adjoining suite had TV and we spent the day either going over to watch for a while or listing to the radio. As the morning went on we listened as a reporter at the Pentagon said he thought he had felt and explosion there. This turned out to be American Airlines flight 77. And then again we heard that a flight had crashed in a field in Pennsylvania, but it seems like nobody was sure if this crash was related to all the others of the morning. It seems like it took a while, but it's reported that yes, United flight 93 was part of this horrible day.

I know that everyone is talking and writing about this subject. But I have to be true to the purpose of this blog. To record my memories.  I could write so much more, as it seems like the more I write the more I remember, but I'll finish up with something my grandfather once told me. He was a Pearl Harbor survivor. He was on the USS Tennessee and after he and my grandmother went to Hawaii for a reunion of survivors I asked him if it was hard for him to go. He said that "Those that didn't come home deserve to be remembered"

So I'll never forget. How could I?




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