Saturday, March 26, 2011

A mama dilemma...

When your kids are little you think "I can't wait until they are independent and can do___ by themselves." or "It will be nice when I don't have to do___ this any more for them." But my reality is there are times when I miss that total dependence, a lot.

I've been struggling lately. Sad, blue whatever you want to call it, that's me. Not that unusual, throw some random hormones in there and a not so great week at work and that's a good recipe for a funk. But it's been a couple of weeks and here it lingers.

While I can't explain all of it, I'm going to blame the kids, ok just Court this time.

This face slays me. Smart & adorable. She started talking when she was 8 months old. Blew her grandmother away when we visited & at 14 months told her she "wanted a hamburger, like the boys".

Now she is a nurse, and a good one. She is a mommy with smart adorable little girls of her own. And in about 2 weeks she goes to basic training & tech school until July. And my heart aches for her. Don't misunderstand, I am more proud of my girl than you can imagine, but this will be the hardest thing she has ever done. Men & women with no attachments struggle & fail with this daunting task. Oh, she won't fail, you don't know my girl if you think that. Stubborn & resilient are two good words for her. But she has to be away from her babies for a long time, and that is going to be harder than she has allowed herself to believe.

I've been praying a lot. For Courtney- that she'll dig deep and make it through with flying colors. She's a crier like her mother & I can't imagine the drill instructors are big on that! For the girls- that we can help them not miss their mommy so much. For Ray- that he has the patience of Job, and can hold it all together. I'd hate to have to hurt him. And selfishly, for me- that I know where & when to butt in. Oh hell, when has that stopped me!

At the end of the summer when all is said & done, I'll laugh that I was this stressed out. But for now, send me some good thoughts and please send Courtney & her little crew some while your at it!




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